I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
