Only a mothe r could love this liver
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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