not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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