I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
