please come you make the beer taste better
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
