I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
