I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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