he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
you never un-have a 4some
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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