I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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