i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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