his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
