Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
you made out with another girl for some wings
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
