I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
