i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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