Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
