I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
