So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
