I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
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I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
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Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$