do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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