I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
