Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
