We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
