I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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