im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
