Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize