We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
