you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
