Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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