It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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