A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
