I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
