I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
and she was petting her beer can
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
