it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
