sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
