you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
