If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
