Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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