at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
