I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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