Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize