so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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