I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize