He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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