I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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