Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Randomize
