Can Purell be used as lube?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
