Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
