Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
