Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
