I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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