Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
