the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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