you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
