You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
