I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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