I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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