fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
