I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
