My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
