Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
