The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
