I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize