I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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