Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
