white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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