You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
