When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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