Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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