Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
