Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
