dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Randomize
