it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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