Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
