FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
